Metal Gear RexBox
by Shadow34
Summary: Bill Gates is bent on taking over the world with Metal Gear Rex-Box.
1. Default Chapter

*After Solid Snake successfully defeated Metal Gear Raiden, he decided to take a much-needed vacation...*  
  
Snake: Naomi, are sure you don't want me to put the suntan lotion on you?  
  
Naomi: I'm positive Snake.  
  
Snake: How about you, Mei Ling?  
  
Mei: NO!  
  
Snake: Don't even think I'm going to ask you Otacon.  
  
Otacon: Huh? What are you talking about?  
  
Snake: That's what I thought.  
  
Otacon: Let's play Volley Ball.  
  
Snake: Volley Ball? That's where you throw grenades at people, right?  
  
Otacon: No.  
  
Snake: Oh. This'll be boring then.  
  
Naomi: You don't always have to blow something up to have fun, Snake.  
  
Snake: You said blow...hehehe.  
  
Naomi: *Smacks Snake in the back of the head* Let's go! Mei Ling and I versus you and Otacon.  
  
Otacon: Sure, stick me with the handicap.  
  
Naomi: Maybe I'll let you give me a strip search later.  
  
Otacon: Really!?  
  
Naomi: No.  
  
Otacon: ....you'd probably end up dying anyways, everyone I know always croaks.  
  
*The ice cream vendor, whom Otacon got 6 Ice Cream Bars from, suddenly keels over and dies*  
  
Otacon: See what I mean?  
  
Mei: Wise Chinese man say, "Man who stand on top of toilet is high on pot."  
  
*She is looked at with very confused expressions*  
  
Mei: Well excuse me, there's only so many ancient Chinese sayings, if you guys didn't call me every damned 5 minutes, I'd still have some material left.  
  
*Snake apparently zoned out as soon as she said, "Wise Chinese man"*  
  
Snake: Huh, what were we talking about?  
  
Mei: *kicks Snake in the groin*  
  
Snake: *groaning in pain* What the hell was that for!?  
  
Naomi: Let's just play.  
  
*At the volleyball net*  
  
Otacon: Now, Snake, make sure when you hit it, it stays in bounds.  
  
Snake: All right. Service!  
  
Naomi: What an idiot....  
  
Snake: *Thwack*  
  
Mei: I got it! *Spikes the ball into Otacon's nose*  
  
Otacon: Ow! There's blood! *starts crying*  
  
Snake: Do you have to cry about everything?  
  
Otacon: *sniff* but it hurts...*sniff*  
  
Snake: Forget it, we've wasted enough time already; we can figure this out later. Raiden, get a move on!  
  
Naomi: He's having flashbacks again...  
  
*After hours of ceaseless begging from Snake, they decide to eat dinner at Hooters...* 


	2. Solid Snake or Limp Snake?

Snake: hehehe...  
  
Naomi: Is he ever going to stop giggling?  
  
Mei: He's in his glory, probably not.  
  
Naomi: Otacon's doing it too...  
  
Otacon: hehehe...  
  
Mei: Grow up, both of you!  
  
Snake: What? But, there are lots of boobs...  
  
Otacon: Yeah...I'm with Snake on this one.  
  
Naomi: Some of the girls are pretty young, Snake. I think you're sick.  
  
Snake: ...they've got boobs though. Isn't that good enough?  
  
Naomi: ...fine. You don't want to see me in one of those, do you?  
  
Snake: HELL YEAH!!!  
  
Naomi: I'll wear one if you promise to stop giggling and looking at the girls boobs.  
  
Snake: ...hmm...uh, ok. The whole time we're here?  
  
Naomi: Yes!  
  
Snake: *sighs* All right. *keeps his eyes looking at the table, because he really, really wants to see Naomi in one of those shirts*  
  
Otacon: *snickers* Hey, Naomi, you realize that you *giggling* told Snake you'd let him see you in a Hooter's shirt, right? *giggling*  
  
Naomi: Yes, I'm aware of that.  
  
Otacon: *laughing* Then that means you can't wear anything else!  
  
Naomi: What!?  
  
Snake: Holy ****!!! This kicks ass! Thanks Naomi!!!  
  
Naomi: ...feel free to look at the girls Snake.  
  
Snake: No way! I'll have a much better show later! Can I bring a camera?  
  
Naomi: No. *sigh* I did promise you a strip search. Anyway, this'll cover it.  
  
Snake: When did you promise that?  
  
Naomi: Dammit, you forgot?  
  
Snake: Yep, thanks for reminding me.  
  
Naomi: ...  
  
Snake: Thanks again Naomi, Solid Snake is truly solid now...  
  
*Just as Snake was settling down for his show...he receives a call from the colonel.*  
  
Colonel: Snake, we have a problem, you know the X-Box?  
  
Snake: I've heard of an X-Flop, never an X-Box.  
  
Colonel: It's the same thing.  
  
Snake: Oh. Anyways...  
  
Colonel: Yes, ahem. Bill Gates has created Metal Gear Rex-Box.  
  
Snake: ....Oh.  
  
Colonel: I know, it sounds really stupid, but, it can cause gamers to waste hundreds of dollars on something that should just be used to stop burglars, by throwing the X-Box at them.  
  
Snake: This is bad...  
  
Colonel: Yeah, it is. Will you destroy it Snake?  
  
Snake: Not only will I destroy it, but, um, uh, yes, yes, I'll destroy it.  
  
Colonel: Thank you Snake.  
  
*Snake disconnects the Codec so he can get back to his show*  
  
Naomi: Shouldn't you get going Snake?  
  
Snake: After the show is done...hehehe.  
  
Naomi: *sighs* *Naomi slowly pulls her shirt off...  
  
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We are sorry for this inconvenience, but this section was not approved for children under the age of 17  
  
Snake: whew...you definitely satisfied Solid Snake...  
  
Naomi: What? I didn't even notice a Solid Snake.  
  
Snake: That's really mean.  
  
Naomi: Life's tough, get a helmet.  
  
Snake: Huh?  
  
Naomi: You prefer, life's a garden. Dig it.  
  
Snake: I think you swallowed too much of the white stuff.  
  
Naomi: What are we talking about?  
  
Snake: Yeah, like I ever know what's going on.  
  
Naomi: True...  
  
Snake: I have one question to ask.  
  
Naomi: And that's....?  
  
Snake: Why do you have 3 nipples?  
  
Naomi: ...does it matter? You didn't seem to mind.  
  
Snake: *stunned look on his face* I never said I minded.  
  
Naomi: Go to work Snake.  
  
Snake: Again? You have more stamina than I do.  
  
Naomi: *smacks forehead* I'm outta here. 


	3. The 8th Wonder of the World Revolving D...

*Snake is being briefed on Metal Gear Rex-Box by Otacon*  
  
Otacon: Now Snake, so far the only weak point I've been able to determine was the fact the Rex-Box, RB for short, tends to crash quite frequently. Try to fire a Stinger through the air vent; it should cause a chain reaction, destroying RB.  
  
Snake: Sounds easy enough.  
  
Otacon: Wait, there's more. Its most devastating weapon is its belly crash. That thing must weigh 500 tons. If it hits you, it's game over Snake, there are no continues my friend.  
  
Snake: You've been playing Metal Gear Solid too much again.  
  
Otacon: ...yeah, just go to it, Snake.  
  
Snake: Right. What about this geek, Bill Gates? Should I ice him too?  
  
Otacon: Sure, go right ahead, Windows sucks anyways. It crashes as much as RB.  
  
Snake: This is going to be really easy...  
  
Otacon: Don't underestimate the nerd...  
  
Snake: Did you say...never mind...I never should never have talked to that kid Raiden, I'm glad he's dead.  
  
Otacon: Hmm...so, what about Olga's kid?  
  
Snake: Oh...****. I forgot about him.  
  
Olga: *bursts into the living room after hearing Snake*  
  
Snake: Hey, wassup, got a local number?  
  
Olga: *confused look*  
  
Snake: Er, sorry, I've been watching A Night at the Roxbury too much lately.  
  
Olga: Anyways, what the hell is wrong with you Snake!?  
  
Snake: ...you lost me.  
  
Olga: If Raiden dies, so does my child!  
  
Snake: Huh? I rescued him like a month ago. I thought I told you? By the way, he looks kinda like cousin It from the Adam's Family...you shack up with him or what?  
  
Olga: ...I was drunk...  
  
Snake: ...sure. Anyways, your kid's in the living room, watching some tapes of the Army Rangers shooting stuff. Didn't want him growing up to be a wuss like Raiden.  
  
Olga: You're a great role model Snake. Thank you.  
  
Snake: I have to get going. *looks at Otacon*  
  
Otacon: ...I'll get the keys.  
  
Snake: Trained like a monkey...  
  
Otacon: What was that?  
  
Snake: Nothing...  
  
*Outside the hideous looking Microsoft building*  
  
Snake: *snickers*  
  
Otacon: What?  
  
Snake: I think this guy Bill is trying to compensate for something...hehehe...  
  
Otacon: ...*starts laughing* Oh, crap, I wet myself again...  
  
Snake: You did remember the adult huggies at least, right?  
  
Otacon: ...sorry Snake...I think I got some on your new issue of Playboy...Don't worry; I'll buy you another one, even though it already had some stains on it...  
  
Snake: ...They must've been from you...I never leave a trace from where I've been.  
  
Otacon: Sure Snake, would you like me to take it down to the lab to have it tested? So we can see who's DNA it is?  
  
Snake: ...  
  
Otacon: That's what I thought.  
  
*Snake, being his usual cool self, decides to walk through the front door*  
  
Snake: Otacon! I'm in trouble, I keep trying to walk in the building, but when I go in the door, I end up walking back out!  
  
Otacon: It's a revolving door Snake...  
  
Snake: ...oh. I'll try again.  
  
Otacon: Did Big Boss feed him paint chips when he was a kid?... 


	4. Do these stairs go up?

*20 minutes later*  
  
Snake: I'm in Otacon.  
  
Otacon: Huh? Oh yeah, you're going after RB, aren't you? You took so long, I forgot why you were there.  
  
Snake: Anyways, should I take the stairs, or the elevator?  
  
Otacon: I don't know Snake, do the stairs go up or down?  
  
Snake: *confused look* I'm not sure Otacon. How can I tell the difference?  
  
Otacon: Well, trying walking up them, if you can, they go up. Then try walking down, if you can, they go down.  
  
Snake: *looks even more confused* I think I'll just take the elevator.  
  
Otacon: That's a good boy.  
  
*on the elevator*  
  
Naomi: Good to see you again Snake.  
  
Snake: Is being an elevator operator your new calling?  
  
Naomi: Apparently. See, if you kill off all of your references, you have nobody that can refer you.  
  
Snake: What about me?  
  
Naomi: You don't even have a job; you wouldn't make a good reference.  
  
Snake: Oh. So, got time for a quickie? *grins*  
  
Naomi: Hmph, no. That job is over.  
  
Snake: Damn, I can't do it!  
  
Naomi: Huh?  
  
Snake: Uh, sorry, flashbacks again.  
  
Naomi: Oh.  
  
Snake: So, does this elevator go up?  
  
Naomi: It must, unless this building is upside down.  
  
Snake: *confused, again* You and Otacon are really weird, you know?  
  
*Outside the office of that little weasel, Bill Gates*  
  
Snake: *notices the secretary* Uh, is Gates available right now?  
  
Secretary: I'm sorry; he has a 2 o'clock right now. He's free at 5pm though, would you like me to schedule an appointment?  
  
Snake: Uh, sure.  
  
Secretary: Who should I say you are?  
  
Snake: *remembers the last movie he watched*  
  
Greg Fokker.  
  
Secretary: Ok, you can sit over there and wait if you want, Mr. Fokker.  
  
Snake: All right. 


End file.
